How to overcome when everything seems to suck
Under long periods of stress, we begin to feel as if we are low on batteries and discouraged. As if our life is a towering, arduous mountain full of obstacles whose summit we never reach. Every step costs too much and the view seems hazy and foggy. Just thinking about how far we still have to go overwhelms us and all we want is to disappear for a few moments from our current life.
We feel full of worries and fears, frustrated and exhausted. Our mind can't stop thinking about the dark future if "we don't do..." and the unhappy life we are having in order to achieve that. All the things we still have to do, the missed opportunities or the "bad decisions" we have made. Why does everything cost so much? Why can't I be smarter? Why am I not as successful as...? why me...?
This is the perfect time to STOP: our mind has turned against us and is inaccurate. Normally it is very useful and wonderful: it allows us to create, plan, grow and develop our life. But, sometimes it does not see reality accurately but biased by Cognitive Distortions or, more simply, unhelpful and inaccurate ways of thinking. So, at that point, what to do?
1º Catch those thoughts
Notice them and realize they are not reflecting reality. They are opinions or biased views of reality. We are not seeing the whole picture, only parts of it.
2º Identify your Cognitive distortions
You can read about them in the previous post. "Here I am overgeneralizing", "in this thought I am using polarized thinking", "I am disqualifying the positive"....
3º Challenge your thoughts
Are they true to reality?, do the facts match my interpretations?, is everything bad in my life?, am I a total failure?, what positive things do I have in my present?, will my future be 100% terrible if I don't achieve that goal?
4º Create alternative interpretations and design alternative solutions
Other ways of thinking about the situations that worry you or generate discomfort: "If I don't achieve it I will probably feel terrible. So I have to accept it as a possible outcome and look for ways to deal with my emotions in case that outcome happens". "I am not happy with my interpersonal area, but I am happy with my work. To increase my happiness in my relationships I will sign up for a fitness class to meet more people / I will spend more time with my partner / I will improve my social skills at workplace".
And most important…
5º Change why for what
Change why "I have to" or "this has happened to me" for what I learnt, what I want. It's not about why you, it's about what you can learn about that experience and take advantage of it...It's not why I have to...,is about what I want to do with my life. Changing those simple questions make us to connect with our values, our developed skills and give us an active roll as designers of our life, instead of being passive victims of circumstances.
Remember: problems and difficulties are part of life. Sometimes you can't avoid them, but you can choose how you respond to them.
