The hidden hurt: recognizing emotional and psychological abuse in men
Traditionally, domestic violence has been portrayed as a women's problem. However, men can also be victims of psychological and emotional abuse in relationships. As a counselor, I find it concerning that more and more male-identified men report past or present relationships with some signs of emotional abuse, manipulation, or harmful behaviors. These and other men's mental wellness issues sometimes go overlooked. So this June, Men's Mental Health Month, let's commit to being more engaged and raising awareness about men's well-being.
While nurturing relationships are based on trust, respect and open communication, love can be marred by unhealthy behaviors. Here are some warning signs to look out for:
Signs of Emotional Abuse:
Verbal Put-Downs and Humiliation: Your partner constantly criticizes, insults, or belittles you, making you feel worthless or incompetent. The comments are often directed at you as a person and how flawed you are or how similiar to your dad, mum you are (as if you were damaged by your family history), rather than pointing out actions they disagree with and would like to work together on them.
Controlling Behaviors: They dictate your schedule, the use of your free time, clothing choices, social life or finances, limiting your autonomy.
Jealousy and Possessiveness: They constantly accuse you of cheating or become angry if you spend time with friends or family.
Guilt Trips and Manipulation: They use guilt or emotional blackmail to get their way, making you feel responsible for their happiness.
Gaslighting: They deny things they said or did, making you question your own memory and reality.
Signs of Psychological Abuse:
Threats and Intimidation: Your partner threatens violence, physical harm, or even self-harm if you disagree with them.
Isolation: They try to cut you off from friends and family, creating a sense of dependence and loneliness.
Damage to Property: They throw things, break your belongings, or damage your car to express anger and control.
Humiliation in Public: They put you down or belittle you in front of others, causing embarrassment and shame.
Financial Abuse: They control your finances, limit your access to money, or force you to take on all the financial burden.
It's important to emphasize that abuse can come from any partner, regardless of gender. Men are often socialized to be stoic and avoid expressing emotions. This can make it difficult to recognize or acknowledge abuse.
If you' think you may be experiencing abuse, talk to a trusted friend, family member, or seek for professional help from a psychologist.
